Because of You
by jonesy100000000
Summary: This is a fairly long Rypay songfic based on Ryan's point of view set to Kelly Carkson's song 'Because of You'.


**A/N: Wow! I have finally written something new for this site that I haven't dragged up from the depths of my computer. It's a songfic based on Kelly Clarkson's song 'Because of You'. I was listening to it the other day & I thought that it would make a good story for Rypay. I'm not sure I've quite done it justice & I have a feeling that I've rambled quite a lot. It's based on Ryan's point of view.**

**Please tell me what you think of it. **

**Diclaimer:** I really do own High School Musical which is why I have spent my time writing this instead of working on a script for the next movie. Honestly... shifty eyes

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**Because of You**

**I will not make the same  
mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
cause my heart  
so much misery**

**I will not break  
the way you did  
you fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
to never let it get that far  
**

You tried so hard to make Troy like you more than Gabbi but in the end you just got hurt and I had to pick up the pieces of your life and piece them back together. I knew what you were doing but anytime I said something you'd snap at me. It hurt like hell watching you fall from your pedestal when you got rejected. But it taught me a valuable lesson, don't push too hard; if you do you just get burned.

**  
Because of you,  
I never stray too  
far from the sidewalk**

You always told me what to do and how to do it. With you around, I'm almost perfect, or at least how you perceive perfect. But every action has a consequence and now because of you, I have lost all ability to think for myself. I have become a puppet doing whatever you tell me, and that happens a lot: 'Ryan do this… Ryan do that…' Everything I do, I do it because you tell me to. I do it gladly, I know I have sense of purpose, a sense of belonging even if you consistently fail to acknowledge my efforts.

**  
Because of you  
I learned to play  
on the safe side  
so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid...  
**

You always gave me advice on how to make mum and dad notice me but you completely ignored it when you wanted Troy. Now I don't know who to believe. If I can't trust my own sister then who can I trust? And it's all because of you.

**  
I lose my way  
and it's not to long before you  
point it out  
I cannot cry  
because I know that's weakness  
in your eyes**

I remember your harsh words as you criticise me, always the same, always hurtful. You tell me that I'm off-beat, or that I haven't quite got your talent & never will. To you, I can never, will never, be perfect. Never live up to your 'high' standards. But what hurts me the most is when you tell me you'd be better off being partners with someone else, anyone else; it doesn't bother you who, as long as it isn't me. And yet, you still always come back to me. Me. Your dorky twin brother who can't seem to do anything right. It sickens me to know that 'mum' & 'dad' always go to see their 'little star'. You. I don't exist. Not to you, not to them, not to the Wildcats, to nobody. And it hurts but there's nothing I can do about it.

**  
I'm forced to  
fake a smile, a  
laugh, every day  
of my life  
My heart can't possibly break when  
it wasn't even whole to start with**

But I'm always forced to pretend that I do exist, that people do notice me. I constantly have to act like I don't care that everyone around me only ever notices you, and when your not there, then I might as well not be either. Originally, it used to hurt me so much but now, my mind is slowly numbing to accept my life. I don't notice as much any more; I barely pay attention to it. You can't hurt me anymore because I've been hurt too much in the past.

Because of you  
I never stray too  
far from the sidewalk 

**Because of you  
I learned to play  
on the safe side  
so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
not only me, but  
everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid**

**  
**I let you dress me in whatever you thought I should wear. I had to co-ordinate with you. I guess it's easier to let you decide & get what you want because by the time morning comes round I'm too tired & can't be bothered to argue with you. It's so much more simple for you to be dominating. How do you do it all day, keeping up your 'Ice Queen' façade. The hats you dress me in, I can put up with. Hell, who I am trying to kid – you can always tell when I'm lying – I love them, they're what makes me, me. Or so I am told, mostly by you when you finally get round to remembering that you have a sibling. But what would you know; it's because of you that I'm like this. You've spent 17 years molding me to be whatever you needed me to. I am entirely your creation – your Frankenstein. During the summer Gabs told me that I wasn't your 'poodle' but I am, I can't survive without you. That's why I always come back. Even now I still come back to you, despite being friends with the Wildcats.

**  
I watched you die  
I heard you cry  
every night in your sleep**

I even came back when you actually did ditch me as your partner, for Troy. You cruelly left me so you could win the Star Dazzle award but you'd have won anyway because you can tell Mr Fulton exactly what to do. What you want, you get. I'd never been more hurt in my entire life; mum & dad always act like I don't exist & although you try to, you're not very successful at it, because you always need be to do things for you, to pick up the pieces. During those darkest hours, when you had Troy under your spell, I existed to no-one. No-one cared about me, my life had no purpose. But despite what you do to me, I still support you at night but I also had to support myself; no-one else was going to. But who should pull me out of my meaningless existence, not you but Gabbi. When Troy hurt you, despite my anger, I still had the need to comfort & protect you because when your hurting, so am I. It's the unspoken bond between us.

**  
I was so young  
you should have known better  
than to lean on me**

I always had to be the stronger twin in private, but in public I haven't a clue how to be. That's your job, always your job. I'd rather hide in your shadow, it's easier. Trying to outdo is pointless because you always win. Well, except when Troy & Gabriella beat 'us' out of the Twinkle Towne musical but that's another story.

**  
You never thought  
of anyone else you just saw  
your pain  
And now I cry in  
the middle of the night  
for the same damn thing**

**  
**Behind the closed doors of our mansion you needed my support, the support of your slightly older brother. Because you needed me, you remembered me & I tried my best to make sure you were all right. I was the one who would hold you when you started to have nightmares & trouble sleeping. I was the one who would try to encourage you that life was alright. But for all my troubles you still kept on slipping away from me.

You never said a word of appreciation for all of my efforts. You didn't need to – there was an unspoken bond between us. It would have been nice though but instead all I would get for my troubles as I comforted you through your darkest days & nights was an icier person. I hate it when people, especially Chad, call you the Ice Queen, but I understand why. It's what you've become, even to your own brother.

**  
Because**** of you  
I never stray too far from the  
sidewalk  
Because of you, I  
learned to play on the safe side  
so I don't get hurt**

But during the summer, I was noticed. I found friends; people who appreciated me for who I was, not who you were or who anyone else thought I should be. You tell me that they were using me to try & beat you out again. Not me because you don't care about me. I could die & your world would be no different. But who lost out, all your backstabbing & trying to split people up did you no good because still no-one likes you; they fear you, but don't like you. They still like me, they're still friends with me, they haven't used me & are leaving me to rot on a sidewalk somewhere like you did.

Through it all though, we still needed each other. That's why you gave me the star dazzle award in the summer, to make sure that I would forgive you & come back to you believing that you'd seen the error of your ways and changed.

But that was all for show wasn't it. You need me more than I you.

**Because of you  
I try my hardest just to  
forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know  
how to let  
anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life  
because it's empty  
Because of you I am afraid  
...Becasue Of you...**

Every time I try my hardest just to forget you, forget that you ever existed, just like you always have done to me; you just haunt my dreams. You created me and for that reason I will always need you. I have no true friends because you succeeded in pushing the few I tried to have away. You always told me friendship wasn't important, I had you and that I should be grateful that you 'took care' of me and that with you around I needed no-one else. But you never planned for what would happen if you weren't around. The thought never crossed your mind because you just didn't care; so neither did I. Now you're gone, I have nothing in my life. Because of you…


End file.
